[Spotlight on, DJ steps up to the mic] DJ: “Hey, how’s everyone doing tonight? Good? Great! So, I’m a DJ, which means I get paid to press buttons and pretend like I know what I’m doing. It’s like having a superpower, but instead of saving the world, I just make people dance awkwardly and try to look cool doing it.
You know you’re a DJ when you start thinking your iTunes playlist qualifies you for a Grammy. I mean, come on, I can mix ‘Happy Birthday’ with ‘Bohemian Rhapsody,’ and to me, that’s a masterpiece. Move over, Beethoven!
And let’s talk about DJ names for a second. Why do we all have these ridiculous DJ names? I mean, DJ Cupcake? DJ Unicorn? Are we playing music or hosting a kindergarten birthday party? My DJ name is DJ Awkward Pause because, let’s face it, I’m not great with transitions, both in music and in conversations.
Now, everyone thinks DJs have this glamorous life, partying all night, surrounded by adoring fans. The reality is, my most dedicated fan is my neighbor’s dog who howls every time I hit the bass drop. I’m basically a canine EDM sensation.
Have you ever tried explaining what you do as a DJ to your grandparents? It’s like telling a cat to appreciate the nuances of a good beat drop. ‘No, Grandma, I’m not a radio operator, and no, Grandpa, I can’t fix your ancient record player.’
But the best part about being a DJ? The power of the pause. You can build up the anticipation, and when you finally drop that beat, it’s like you’re the puppet master of the dance floor. And if people aren’t dancing? Well, blame it on the faulty speakers or the invisible dance floor gremlins. It’s never the DJ’s fault.
So next time you see a DJ at a party, just remember, we’re not just pushing buttons; we’re orchestrating a symphony of awkward dance moves and questionable song choices. DJ Awkward Pause, signing off! Thank you, you’ve been a great audience!”